Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

今天下午跟好朋友们聚餐。S说他要写一篇文字，题目是『青春』。就这样我也想写一篇跟青春有关的文字。加上昨天看了Les Miserables电影，眼泪一直在流。电影众演员们真诚的演出，加上经典歌曲"I dreamed a dream"和热血的革命情怀都让我流泪不止。我在想，我究竟有没有背叛了我的青春？

记得第一次看这部音乐剧时，我在澳洲念书。那时候抱着朝圣的心情走进了悉尼歌剧院。看的就是它。那本来就是一个被震撼震撼着的经验。名闻已久的世界级歌剧院，一个经典的剧目，一个小小的我。舞台上的所有人和物，刺激着我。让我在最短的时间里吸收了最丰富的营养。

十五年前，我还在念书。那时候我沉醉在艺术的世界里，最大的烦恼是演不好一个角色，做不好一个戏。世界是一个无限的可能性，我在为自己的能力做准备，然后我期待自己勇敢大步走向它的时刻来临。那种不管做什么都不被视为怪异的日子，那段充满创意和创造力的日子。生活和生命具备了无限的创造力，仿佛想要怎样的生命，怎样的生活，去创造就是了。

后来的日子，当然精彩度还是很高的。可是就好像有什么东西忽然失去了一样。那种失去的感觉一直伴随着我，一直没有离开过。昨晚看了Les Miserables电影，用心仔细地听着"I dreamed a dream"，我好像知道了我真正失去的是什么。

There was a time when men were kind

When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

伸手